Wednesday, January 19, 2011

It's Been SOOOO Long

It's been over a week since I last played the game, those keeping up with my Twitter (so 1 of you) would know that some things have been happening with.... actually, I haven't been tweeting much about personal stuff. I'll explain now.

The house has since been put on the market, and it has to look 1000% perfect for when people come around to check it out. My parents have been fighting more about the house, and from what I can gather my dad is trying to take more than his fair share of the profits. The monetary problems are complicated, so I won't go into detail about them, but basically dad doesn't have to give a shit about how nice the house looks for buyers, and therefore doesn't. So if the house doesn't look insanely amazing all the time, mum gets insane.

Also, seems mum gets me and my brother after the split, dad has to pay maintenance for the both of us as long as he has a job. The only problem is, he keeps changing jobs without consulting or telling the rest of the family until it's already done, and if he does that after the split, he doesn't get a steady paycheck. This doesn't necessarily mean bad new for him, but no paycheck means no maintainence pay. So, if dad decides to chop and change with his jobs, he doesn't pay my mum and we don't get to eat for a few days.

It's completely understandable that mum's crazy these days, my dad's pretty much (in her words) wasted 20 years of her life, and now he's leaving with the upper hand power-wise. We need to sell the house for as much profit as possible to ensure mum can get a new house (for rent or otherwise).

On another, happier note, I'M A UNIVERSITY STUDENT NOW, BITCHES! That's right, I got a letter in the mail from Murdoch University, and now once I've enrolled in a few Game Design units, I'll be a real student. This means I'll have to get money somehow, as I also plan to live on-campus. Hmm, ways to make money with minimal effort... I'll find a way.

Anyway, I'll edit the post adding the rest of today's adventure if it happens. I had a party last night and the house needs cleaning.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Aim At the Eyes of Gohma

Hi, it's been a while since my last play (about 5 days by my count). The reason I've been busy is that my grandfather, Erwin Wcislo, unfortunately passed away recently.

He'd been fighting old age and lung cancer for a while, and it was a miracle he lived through Christmas. But a few days ago, in his sleep, he left us. I wish I had been closer to him, because I honestly don't feel very bad about it. I mean, of course I feel bad, but not as much as any other person would be at losing a family member. Then again, we've all come to terms with it over the months. He's been "circling the drain" for so long, in a way it's good that he's moved on. I don't know if anyone else in my family believes in an afterlife, but I do, and I hope he's in a better place.

Also, the house is being cleaned and half emptied on an EPIC scale as it's now on the market. Me and my brother have been WORKED TO THE FLESHY PART JUST ABOVE THE BONE by our mother, and had to endure her constant complaining about our dad (who, my brother has FINALLY begun to realize, deserves all of it). Meanwhile, the device I use to connect my Wii to my computer has been packed away, so I can't take any screenshots. BUT, I'm sure there are some maps on the internet, so if you're desperate for some graphical representation of my position you can cross-reference my descriptions of my movements with some maps or something and get it.

BUT ANYWAY, I won't go on much more (unless I feel like it, but I probably won't). LEVEL 6 AWAITS! Remember the dungeon with 2 tiles worth of door? That's Dungeon 6. Luckily near Warp 1, so lets MOVE OUT!

Stopping off at the Fairy Fountain for healsies, then through the mountains about 2 screens to the devilishly designed Dungeon Entrance. Inside, a locked room and an unlocked room (I have an extra 2 keys, but I'll save them for now). In the unlocked room, there are some WIZARDS AAAR-never mind. Wizards who DIE easily. The room gives me a key, lovely! Now, to light up the room and see where things are... Ah, a locked room to the north! UNLOCK!

An Old Man! "AIM AT THE EYES OF GOHMA." That's got to be the boss of the Sixth (why did I ever bother with the word 'dungeon'?), and now I know how to kill it. Apparently, if you aim at the eyes, it will die. KEWL! I'm sure you need to shoot at it, but NONETHELESS! I also have to go back to the locked room in the first room, cos this is a dead end.

In that room, there are some easily-killed Wizards (who give me bombs and a fairy), and in the next room are some Slimes who give me money and the Compass. The next room... has fire-breathing statues and bats, so I don't like that room. BACK OUT, equip boomerang, BACK IN, and blitz the shit out of everything. Once everything dies (and takes about 2 hearts off me), a Key is bestowed upon me. IN THE NEXT ROOM, hinting that this dungeon is shaping up to be pretty linear, there are a bunch of Spike Traps around (easily avoided).

Next room, an ACTUAL THREAT! 3 Wizards, 2 BLUE Wizards and a Skull Bubble. It takes a bit more health before I kill everything, and the next room needs to be opened by pushing a block.

This is where everything electrical I was working with at the time suddenly decided to have breakdowns. My laptop very nearly ran out of batteries before I realized I hadn't plugged it in properly, and my charger's a retarded child and causes the mousepad on the laptop to spaz out when I touch it. My USB mouse also decided to not work anymore, no matter WHICH port I plugged it into, so I had to ignore the game until I fixed everything. I can now only use the mouse by unplugging my laptop, using the mouse, and plugging it back in to keep it charged. Oh, but wait, as soon as I type all that, my USB mouse decides to work again! Oh technology, you little bitch, you.

BUT I DIGRESS. Back in the game, the next room holds 3 more of each Wizard, who kill me despite my awesomeness. BACK TO THE START AGAIN. DIE IN THE SAME ROOM. Okay, just read the last few paragraphs another 3 times or so, because that's about when I got to this point.

FUCK THE THREE HEART MECHANIC! WHY START WITH THREE? IT'S ABSURD! I swear I'm finding a Potion shop around here. TO THE WARP ZONE! That's right, I'M LEAVING! FOR FAIRIES! AND RED WATER! YEAH! SUCK IT!

... sorry. So after a trip through the staircase that miraculously leads to the nearest Fairy Fountain, and another to an underground Potion shop, and back again. So FULL HEALTH, 2 FULL HEALTH POTIONS. THIS MEANS 3x12 HEARTS EQUALS 36 HEARTS! YEAH! Not quite, as I have to use the potions BEFORE I lose all the health... SHUT UP SEAN, YOU'RE RAMBLING!

Okay, so read that paragraph about running through the linear corridor thing again, only THIS time, imagine me as a heroic, unstoppable, amazingly sexy hero killing everything without breaking a swear. It was more like a confident, moderately skillful display but it's better for you to think that I'm awesome. BECAUSE I AM. SOMETIMES. So yeah, I beat the room I usually die in (using up a potion) and move on.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GLEEOCK DOING HERE!?!??!? I KILLED YOU LIKE 2 DUNGEONS AGO! AND YOU GREW AN EXTRA HEAD! Luckily, I've grown stronger, too. I have a nifty new sword and extended health. So you, my friend, die quickly. HA! Next room (to the East now, we're off the linear path).

This room has some Like-Likes (I couldn't think of what to call them, so I looked up their real names) and Slimes, all of which die easily and the room gives me the Map! Dungeon Sixth, or Dungeon the Sixth, you are now known as... okay seriously, what the hell is this meant to be? It looks like a demonic arm flexing. One moment, Google needs to be consulted... oh wow. *snigger* It's meant to be a dragon... hehehe... OKAY THEN, Dungeon the Sixth, you are now known as Dragon Dungeon (awesome, really).

So, there's this locked door south of my location... UNLOCK. Some Wizards, who die but leave me with 1/2 a heart (*uses potion* *gets health* *celebrates*), and a new Key. Next room, AAARGH THE FUCKING BBB'S! KILL THEM WITH FIRE! Okay, that only slightly worked. KILL THEM WITH SWORDS! Okay, cool. NEXT ROOM.

It's filled with Wizards and Like-Likes! Kill them all! Done. This is a bit TOO easy, now... meh. Block! Push it, open stairs, travel. It takes me to another part of the Dungeon (through a little double-stairs room), to a room with Slimes and Like-Likes. Also, I can go down and meet some more BBBs! Lovely! And KILL, KILL, KILL... much better. In the next room, the north door is locked, and it's RIGHT next to the Triforce Room! It could be the boss room, or it might not be. I'll go South for now, and check later.

Okay, the south room is a dead end. It DOES have some wizards, though. Kill. And now the room gives me bombs... that's suspicious. Usually when a room does that, it means bombs are required... the Boss? No, you need to "aim" somehow, bombs don't need to be aimed. Secret room? Bomb the walls? I'll try it...  well, that didn't work. Let's try that locked door, shall we?

OH GOD IT'S THE BOSS! IT'S A GIANT SPIDER! I'M ARACHNOPHOBIC! SHOOT IT! SHOOOOOT IIIIIIIIIIIT!!! With every Arrow I impale into it's face, it closes it's eye just that little bit more until... DIE! HAHA! DIE, SPIDER! And give me your heart! Hooray! I won't get the Triforce shard just yet though, I still need to find that secret item.

Back in the main area of the dungeon, there's still a locked door I didn't open. Inside, more wizards, but other than that a dead end. But there IS a block, so that could be a secret switch or somethi-don't worry, I'm dead now. DAMN BLUE WIZARDS. Back to the start.

On one hand, I've all but defeated Dragon Dungeon. On the other, I still need to collect that secret item and go back for the Triforce. And after this, I still don't know where Dungeon Seven is. I've got some work to do next time, infiltrating the deepest reaches of the Dragon AND the farthest reaches of Hyrule. There are only 2 other dungeons in the game that I haven't found yet: 7 and 9. 9... the final dungeon. The cave in which Gannon is hiding, holding Zelda captive. I WILL SAVE YOU, ZELDA. I'm almost there, I AM...


Progress:
Hearts:   14
Rupies:   18
Bombs:    9
Keys:     1
Items:    MAGICAL SWORDMAGIC SHIELDMAGIC BOOMERANGBOW+ARROW, BLUE CANDLE, BOMBS, RAFT, STEPLADDER, RED POTION, RED BRACELET, BLUE RING, WHISTLE
Dungeons: EAGLE(1), MOON(2), MANJI(3), SNAKE(4), LIZARD(5)
Deaths:   59

Friday, January 7, 2011

I Bet You'd Like To Have More Bombs (Lizard Dungeon Returned)

Now that I've got the Epic Sword of Awesome, the mummies in Lizard Dungeon die with only 2 hits! Not sure what's gonna happen with the Blue Knights, but I've got an easy passage to them thanks to the holes in the walls, so I can try it out pretty damn quickley... hehehehehehe, two hits for them too! I can kill them pretty fricken fast without losing all that much health! One of them gives me a heart, so by the time I've killed all 5 I've only lost 2 hearts! FUCK YEAH!


NEXT ROOM! IN THE LIZARD'S BRAIN! South into that room I complained about a few days ago, the one where the next room can only be reached through a bomb in the wall (and I'd ran out of bombs). BUT I HAVE BOMBS THIS TIME! EXPLODE! REVEAL ROOM! OLD MAN! Old Man?


"I BET YOU'D LIKE TO HAVE MORE BOMBS," he says, with a payment option of 100 Rupies. IS HE OFFERING TO GIVE ME MORE BOMBS? I could get that from a shop. But they're only 20 Rupies for 4... 100/20 is 5, 5x4 is 20, which is tons more than 8, the maximum number of bo-IS HE GOING TO LET ME HOLD MORE BOMBS? HELLZ YEAH! But I need another 30 or so Rupies to get it...


So I guess it's to the room with epic amounts of Blue Knights (okay 6 of them). TIME TO KILL THEM ALL! SLASH! SLASH! OH SHIT RUN! SLASH AGAIN! BOMB THE FUCKAAAAAAAAAS!


*pant, pant, pant* That was fun. AND NOW TO MOVE THE PAINFULLY OBVIOUS BLOCK. Oh my, it revealed a secret staircase! Inside, a secret cave granting me.... A Whistle! Um, yeah! That'll be useful! Maybe.... oh yeah, "Digdogger hates certain kinds of sound." Yay! To the boss!


Unfortunately this means I have to trek through the whole dungeon again. Dayam. The Knights respawn too, so I'm already at 1/2 heart health by the time I get back on track to the boss. This means that an enemy, oh, say a Slime, could kill be just by touching me. Oh, darn, look at that. AARGH.

So I'm gonna try and find a Fairy Fountain real quick whilst getting some money for the Bomb Upgrade in the lizards brain. From Lizard Dungeon, I managed to get to the Warp near the Graveyard with only 1 heart left. There were a bunch of Sword Dragons around there, but I can kill them with 1 sword swipe so it's okay. TO THE FOUNTAIN WARP! Now run around until 100 Rupies are earned! And now, run along back to the dungeon.

Please excuse me for a bit, my mother needs some help clearing out the shed near our house.

...

Sorry. We're moving, you see. The house needs to be mostly empty soon.

Okay, so now we're back at the dungeon and I'm off to beat the boss shitless. Through the dungeon and at Digdogger's face, I stand strong and take out my whistle...

A strange tune plays. The little bitch shrinks to an eye! Now I'm sure my sword can kill it! Too bad the fucker moves too bloody fast for me to catch it! And those fireballing statues? DAMMIT ALL!


It takes a few hundred misses and only 2 slashes before Digdogger dies and leaves me another Heart Container. I would've taken a screenshot of me collecting it but a fireball collected me and pushed me into it without any oppurtunity. Fuck those fireballs, I'm running into the Triforce room.


AND THERE IT IS. THE FIFTH PIECE. I take it, and hold it above my head. The music I've come to love, the fanfare signalling my victory over yet another of Gannon's henchmen, plays as the dungeon screen folds into nothing. I emerge from the dungeon, with 5 ninths of the Triforce of Wisdom secured, and a brand-new Magical Whistle, too.


But we're not done. I still have to get that bomb upgrade. Back inside the dungeon we go! To the first Room of Blue Knights, with a filled health meter and a full set of bombs (a mummy replenished them earlier). ATTACK! Swipe, bomb, swipe, etc. Actually, only 1 bomb was needed. I threw my Sword Beam through the huge-ass obstacle in the middle of the room to hit the Knights on the other side (on their sides, hehe).

Through the tunnel and into the chamber of the Old Man. Yes, I WOULD like more bombs. Pay the man 100 Rupies and... SUDDENLY, 12 BOMBS ARE IN MY POSSESSION! YAY!


So there we have it! An extra 4 bomb upgrade, a Magic Whistle, another Heart Container and a Triforce piece! Also, I know where the next dungeon is, so there won't be much exploration needed! Huzzah!

In other news pertaining to my life, I've dyed my hair black. Not all that much news, but I've also cut it shorter. Now I can be a TOTAL fanboy and cosplay as L at Wai-Con coming up on the 29th. THIS MAKES ME HAPPY. Anyway, not sure when I'll get to play again, but when I do, the next dungeons getting tackled (obviously). Until then, cyaz!


Progress:
Hearts:   13
Rupies:   30
Bombs:    12
Keys:     2
Items:    MAGICAL SWORDMAGIC SHIELDMAGIC BOOMERANGBOW+ARROW, BLUE CANDLE, BOMBS, RAFT, STEPLADDER, RED POTION, RED BRACELET, BLUE RING, WHISTLE
Dungeons: EAGLE(1), MOON(2), MANJI(3), SNAKE(4), LIZARD(5)
Deaths:   54

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Take Any One You Want (Heart Container Quest and The Magical Sword)

Well, still not much info on the other Hearts. Although, I haven't played for a few days so I guess I can't be trusted to do much, and it's pretty selfish demanding people to help me when I should be able to do things like that on my own. So, sorry guys, for being a prick and for not playing as much as I should.

So, in light of this, so that you readers don't have to read about me getting my ass kicked EVERY SINGLE DAY, I found myself a map online that gives information on Heart locations based on screen coordinates alone. This means that I now know which screen each of the 3 last Overworld hearts are, but not their exact locations or how to find them. This makes it infinitely less annoying, but still pretty frustrating. It's also a lot easier on you, the readers, rather than reading about me being a clueless douche. Now, you can read about me being a CHEATING douche, which is better but still shitty. Meh, I'm a douche either way. So I say DEAL WITH IT.

Basically, the map I found is in text form. It has a grid with 3-letter notes in each grid square, 5 squares have the note 'HC' in them, meaning Heart Container. Comparing this to my full-printed map, and using the letter/number coordinates on the text map (M3, P3, H5, P6 and L8), the screens where the 5 Overworld hearts are revealed. Then, crossing out the screens where I've already found 2 hearts (apparently P3 and P6), I have my 3 screens: H5, M3 and L8. Today, I'm trekking across the world for these screens, and using EVERYTHING I KNOW HOW to find the Hearts. First of all, L8 (closest to the Starting Screen at only 4 screens East).

From the start to the East, 4 screens along, I come here:


The only possible hiding-places are in the walls. Fantastic. This means BOMBS. For those who remember, I DESPISE anything that requires bombs, because if you get it wrong, you've wasted an explosive. Luckily there's a shop that sells bombs 3 screens north and 2 screens west. I managed to get there whilst GAINING health, believe it or not (ignore the fact there was a Fairy Fountain on the way, I found 2 fairies from enemies before I reached it) and had a little over 20 Rupies to buy bombs. Only 4 though, so I'd better be pretty fucking lucky when I bomb these walls.

On the way back at the supposed hiding place of the 3rd Heart, one of the evil blue Santas gave me another set of bombs! I now have 8, more than enough to assault the perfectly horizontal walls lining the screen! I do, however, need to kill the disgustingly annoying Zora that hands around... that is, until one of the red sand things gives me a Magic Clock and the bastard is frozen underwater!

Bombing the walls. This is the tricky part. To save bombs, I'm trying to bomb the border between each tile of wall. The first two don't reveal anything, but the THIRD TILE from the left reveals a cave!!

(I actually pride myself on this screencap, with the flashing of the Magic Clock effect I still managed to catch Link's normal color)

Inside, an old man gives me a choice. A Red Potion or a Heart Container. OH NOES, SUCH A CHOICE! THE RED POTION GUARANTEES ME TWO HEALTH REFILLS, BUT THE HEART PERMANENTLY INCREASES MY-wait, thats fucking easy!


NEW HEART!!

Onto M3, 5 screens North and 1 East from here. I can go straight north without getting through any obstacles, so this shouldn't be too hard. On the way I refilled my bomb supply from a passing blue Santa and got hurt by a Tektite (bitch). Now that I'm here, I can asses the situation.


There are 38 squares where the cave could be. 3 next to the stairs, another 8 on the other side, 5 on the sides of that chunk of wall in the top corner, 6 on the top and bottom of the block in the middle, and 11 on the lower wall. FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Well, the chunk in the middle is pretty conspicuous, and rooms you have to enter from the top only are sort of rare (at least I haven't found one yet), so the bottom of the chunk is the first place to look. Then the top, then the upper wall and the bottom wall. THIS IS GOING TO REQUIRE SO MANY FUCKING BOMBS.

I can hit all 4 tiles with two bombs, one between the first two tiles and one between the last tw-FUCKING WIN!!!


FUCK YEAH, HEART CONTAINER CAVE!! TYSM, Old Man!


And now, the final Heart. H3. One screen below Dungeon 1. 4 screens West, 2 screens South and 1 West again. Avoiding Desert leeches, flying hats and octoroks (as well as those FUCKING Zoras), I run. And run. And arrive. Sweet! And the Zora appears at the shore, making it easy for my Sword Beam to totally fuck him up. DEATH AWAITS THEE, O WATERY BITCH.


So here I am. The screen of the Final Heart Container. And the only place it could possibly be is under one of those trees. Which I have to burn. ONE. AT. A. TIME. Dammit.

Starting from the side I came on, I begin to burn. One at a time, they don't reveal anything. And that FUCKING ZORA respawns whenever you re-enter the screen, so fuck him with a rusty dildo. One, two, three, four, FIVE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! FIVE! THERE IT IS!!


Inside, another pointless choice. Inside, another heart. INSIDE, THE HIGHEST POSSIBLE HEALTH I COULD BE AT THIS POINT IN THE GAME! 


YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

*ahem* Right. Now that I've got all my hearts, I'm off to check the Graveyard. Remember the sword that I found in the graveyard but couldn't get? The one where I found out I needed 12 Hearts to weild? WELL 9 PLUS 3 EQUALS 12 SO FUCK YEAH!

*ahem, again* From the Lake, I made my way down to the Warp near the Starting Screen (obtaining some hearts and therefore my Sword Beam). According to my map, the Graveyard (or, the Warp NEAR the Graveyard) is the middle staircase in this Warp. Through the areas I go, avoiding the flying hat and the many gravestones, until I reach the top-left corner screen of the grey area that is the Graveyard. Pushing away the gravestone diagonally from the top-left corner gravestone away and delving into the dark cave beneath.

Walking towards the surprisingly alive Old Man in the grave, the man holding the Magical Sword...



DUHN DAH DAH DUH DAH DAH DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!

The Magical Sword is miiiiiiiiiiine! The strongest, most POWERFUL sword is mine to wield, control and cut people up with! Tomorrow I can TOTALLY BITCH SLAP Lizard Dungeon and take those Blue Knights on. Watch out, you slimy little gits! THE LEGENDARY SEAN IS COMING!

Progress:
Hearts:   12
Rupies:   54
Bombs:    6
Keys:     2
Items:    MAGICAL SWORDMAGIC SHIELDMAGIC BOOMERANGBOW+ARROW, BLUE CANDLE, BOMBS(6), RAFT, STEPLADDER, RED POTION, RED BRACELET, BLUE RING
Dungeons: EAGLE(1), MOON(2), MANJI(3), SNAKE(4)
Deaths:   53

P.S: I've put up those 'incentives' on my Twitter. I said I'd put them up if people helped me, but that's just lazy and douchey. So there they are, a Kingdom Hearts parody poster of Scott Pilgrim, and a sprite comic about Entei being roommates with a Wooper. They're shit, but feel free to behold them if you so wish.

P.P.S: This post has the most number of screencaps out of any previous one: 13. It's important somehow.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Success, Failure, and Incentives

So I've got 1/2 a heart and no way to kill the Boss without first killing about 5 Blue Knights. The best I can do is maybe leave, heal, buy some bombs and return to fight like a crazy person. My only problems include

  • I can't leave the mountains unless I go West, where there are NO shops that sell bombs,
  • OR Warp Zones,
  • I'd end up using all the bombs on the Dodongos guarding that side of the dungeon,
  • Blue Knights move too fast anyway and would probably dodge EVERY bomb.

I therefore decide that in addition, I will obtain MASS MUNNIES and buy a Double Strength Potion (that's what I'm calling Red Potions now), then purposely die outside the dungeon (there's a Warp Zone and Potion Shop uber-conviniently close to the Starting Screen).

...

Well, somehow, during my dungeon-crawling, I managed to obtain 8 bombs. So that's that sorted out. Now, I need 68 Rupies (another 13) for a DS Potion (ooh, DSP, that's a nice name. DEEMED!) and a dignified way to die once I'm outside. While I think about that, I'll keep delving deeper into the recesses of Lizard Dungeon f- nevermind, I died. WELL I'M AT THE ENTRANCE NOW, SO IT'S ALL GOOD.

I've decided to earn the required riches whilst making my way back to the Starting Space. If I die on the way, I'm there already. If I get the money, WHOOP WHOOP DSP TIME! So on my way I trek. I'm instantly granted 5 Rupies by the careless desert shrub that tried to touch me, and only 7 more are needed (by the way, if at any time my bomb/rupie math seems off by a few, it means I found some money somehow by an enemy. No cause for alarm).

Well, I made it to base camp without much hassle at all (AND I got over 68 Rupies now, yay!), although I misjudged my position and mistook an empty cave for the Potion shop. I freaked out for a bit and tried to get back to the original Old Woman cave, but moving to the west showed me my true location and peace was achieved. I also have a DSP now. Yay!

Two Warps, one Fairy Revival and a mountain trek later and I can hear the Blue Knights crying like little bitches. I've also found in my previous conquest (that I forgot to mention) that there was a bombable wall in the Mummy Room just before the Blue Knights room. I DON'T HAVE TO FIGHT THE DODONGOS! Oh, glory days! Straight to the Room of Death, then!

BOMB! RUN! SLICE! BOMB! GET HIT! SLICE! GET HIT x5! YELL FUCK! BOMB AGAIN! REPEAT! The battle lasts minutes. Whoever programmed their AI is clever. And evil. Running, bombing and slicing with a sword blend together in a mixture of explosion sounds and getting-hit sounds. I heal just in time before another knight kills me, and kill 2 with my Sword Beams. Another is hurt before damaging me, deleting my Sword Beam powers. My final bomb misses and I must battle with my sword alone. Dodge, slice! Get hit! Run! Slice again! Soon there is only one left. I set up my trap, waiting around a corner for it to walk out and get cut up. But it doesn't. It stays on one side, walking around aimlessly. Taunting me. Finally it becomes too much and I give into primal instict, running into it's territory and cutting this way and that. I run around it, slice, it follows me, block... BUT THEN, AS TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYS IN MY HEAD, I backstab the final Blue Knight of Bitchery, and it explodes into a tiny 2-frame pixellated death. I have won.


FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH! Push a random block, fail, try again, continue to fail until SUCCESS! Enter the staircase and find waiting for me... another staircase?

Past it, I find myself (according to my map) in the Lizard's brain.


Oh, THAT'S how you get into those rooms. Silly me, I thought you had to bomb a wall! Instead you have to bomb and murder 5 Knights with surprisingly annoying AI tactics. Well, there's two doors to be unlocked. To the west, 6 MORE FUCKING KNIGHTS! So I'll ignore that room for now. To the south, there's a dead end with a key and some bats. Well that's fucking pointless! There's obviously some hidden bombable wall that I need to break down, now! AND I'M OUT OF BOMBS!

Well, I tried attacking the room full of Knights but they killed me before I could kill even one. AND I've used up both potions now. Y'know what? I'm offering an incentive. As soon as I find the last 3 hearts in the Overworld, if somebody has given me a hint (a HINT, not an EXACTNESS) about it, I'll make a comic strip about what would happen if Entei and Wooper were roommates using Pokemon: Mystery Dungeon sprites. Also a Kingdom Hearts version of the Scott Pilgrim DVD cover that I did whilst INSANELY tired and on a sugar high. It's not a very good combination but produced something funny, so I'm okay with it.

Moving right along, I've found out that I'm going to have to kill a total of 11 Blue Knights so far to get anything done in this dungeon, and I need to save at least 1 bomb for the obvious secret room. All without dying, because should dying occur, ALL that work killing Knights gets erased. It also makes me scream internally, using many profanities and the words "Barbara Streisand" for some reason.

So next time, I'm off to the Overworld to buy more bombs and potions. I'd do more than that usually, but these Knights are just too damn hard to kill with my puny White Sword. So there you have it. Hints about Overworld Hearts will result in a KH-themed Scott Pilgrim poster and a sprite comic about Entei and Wooper as roommates. The reason such strange things are the results? They're gaming-related. That's pretty much it. Now shoo, reader!


Progress:
Hearts:   9
Rupies:   12
Bombs:    0
Keys:     2
Items:    WHITE SWORDMAGIC SHIELDMAGIC BOOMERANGBOWARROW, BLUE CANDLE, BOMBS(6), RAFT, STEPLADDER, RED POTION, RED BRACELET, BLUE RING
Dungeons: EAGLE(1), MOON(2), MANJI(3), SNAKE(4)
Deaths:   53

I Hate Blue Knights And Bunnies

Well, after running around Warps to get to Dungeon 5 again, I managed to stumble around for a while without typing long enough to actually get further in the dungeon than I did last time (I also forgot to take screenies... sorry).

So here's where I'll start off: I found a nifty way to kill some Knights deeper in the dungeon but using the stepladder to stand over the lava. Since they can only travel on the paths, they can't touch me and I can cut their sides as they walk past. Huzzah!

So here I am:


a bit further than I would've hoped before starting to type, but I guess I can't complain. Just past the door I just unlocked is a room filled with Mummies, which aren't that much of a problem for me now. Killing them gives me some Bombs and a Key (I now have 4 of each).

...

I only stayed in the next room long enough to take this picture:


and then ran out again like a little girl. NO, BUNNIES! BAD BUNNIES! I HATE THEM! I did, however, manage to kill them all without losing much health. I think I'm getting better at this! Next room... is the boss? Wow, that was fast. There's a few rooms earlier that look like secrets though... I'm checking them out! Fuck the boss for now.

Okay, a few bombs later and none of the supposed 'secret' entrances revealed themselves. The only possible way to get to those last few rooms is if there was a room in the eye of the dungeon (the lizard's eye). Actually, that could be it, I just need some more FUCKING BOMBS.

I checked out the room south of the Boss and found more mummies. One of them gave me bombs, though, so I'm all okay with it. Time to check out that eye! Back to the dreaded room of Bunnies, bomb the north and...


Yay! A room in the eye! Inside... an old man. "SECRET POWER IS SAID TO BE IN THE ARROW." Does that mean the boss can be killed with arrows? Could be, but it also means that the only way to get into those other rooms is east from the Triforce room... past the boss. So, let's get some arrows and stab something in the face!

Arrows do nothing. They pass right through the boss as if it was nothing. Research now tells me the boss is called Digdogger, and it also hints that I have to use the Dungeon's secret item to kill it. THAT MEANS I HAVE TO GO BACK AND KILL THE DODONGOS/BLUE KNIGHTS! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Okay, I'm done raging. I just need a lot more bombs. Please excuse me, I'm off to make a purchase of something... actually, nevermind. On my way to the entrance I killed some mummies and one gave me some bombs. With 7 I think I can kill some Dodongos!

Killed! And one gave me bombs, so I'm back up to 6! And, in the next room, some Slimes gave me a fairy and a heart! 7 Hearts now! TO THE BLUE KNIGHTS OF DEATH!!!

I killed a few with all my bombs, another using only sword, and FUCKING KILLED ME AAAAAAAAAAAARGH FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING BLUE TURD I WILL END YOU EVENTUALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back to the entrance. Find some mummies. Hope for bombs. I got four. Now, run to Dodongos and try to stun them all at once with a single bomb... the bastards keep eating them. One died, though, and gave me a fairy. All well and good, but I need BOMBS right now. Explore dungeon, find mummies, hope for bombs... and one actually gives me some. With 4 bombs, back to Dodongos and KILL THE MOTHELOVERS. To the slime room and KILL THE MOTHERLOVERS. And steal their stuff. No bombs, just a heart and some rupies. Rupies that fuel my bow which doesn't affect the Blue Knights. Fuck you, slimes.

In the room, I am positively ACCOSTED by the blue bitches, and run out like a little girl AGAIN. If I had some more FUCKING HEARTS I could survive, and get a FUCKING BETTER SWORD... and therefore get a FUCKING ITEM to use to kill the FUCKING BOSS... without those 3 extra hearts I'm all but doomed.

I need some kind of help, guys. If anyone knows where the hearts are, or at least knows of some hints... please comment. I'm not quite begging, but I AM getting annoyed with the game SO DAMN MUCH that I need to ask my readers for help. I'm stopping playing for now, but I might pick it up again later today, so I won't turn off my Wii. Next post will probably start off from this exact point:


Just outside the Blue Knight room. Until then, lay-terz.


Progress:
Hearts:   9
Rupies:   49
Bombs:    0
Keys:     3
Items:    WHITE SWORDMAGIC SHIELDMAGIC BOOMERANGBOWARROW, BLUE CANDLE, BOMBS(6), RAFT, STEPLADDER, RED POTION, RED BRACELET, BLUE RING
Dungeons: EAGLE(1), MOON(2), MANJI(3), SNAKE(4)
Deaths:   49