10th Enemy Has The Bomb

Good afternoon, fellow humans. Today, I make for the final piece of the Triforce! Dungeon 8, here I come!

From my map, I see I've already found Dungeon 8, so I can just make my way there pretty easily from Dungeon 2. I first warp to the Fairy Fountain to heal, then whistle my way to Dungeon 2. Only a few screens away is the staircase where a lonely bush once covered the entrance, which I enter, excited.

I could go any direction. I choose left, and immediatly I'm met with Manhandla, from a few dungeons ago! There're also a few fireball-spewing statues, so I've got to avoid them, too. Manhandla goes down relatively easily, and gives me 5 Rupees as a reward. Really, Manhandla? Last time you gave me a fucking heart container. Continuing on, I find a room full of mummies and knights, but also a staircase. After killing the enemies I push away a block and descend, emerging in a room containing the dungeon's Secret Item! It's a Book of Magic, which apparently (according to the manual) increases the power of my Wand, letting me set things on fire with it!

I go back to the first room and go right, into a dark room which (when illuminated) has a messed up floor, some bats and slimes. Killing them, I realize I could bomb the walls in this room, as there is still some ground on each side. I don't have any bombs left, though, so I'll try later. Back at the start, I go upwards, finding ANOTHER Manhandla which goes down even faster than the first one. The room, however, is a dead end. I've reached as far as I can in this dungeon without bombs. Luckily this dungeon's within walking distance of a bomb seller! I'll just leave, buy some, then come back...

Back again, and I have to kill all the enemies in the right room again. I bomb the walls, but nothing happens. I go into the second Manhandla room (up), and bomb straight ahead. Yes! A secret door leading up! Inside, some blue knights and statues. I grab a key that sits in the middle, but nearly die in the process. With 1 heart left, I go up to escape, but come to another room full of enemies. I go back and, dodging the knights, unlock the door to the right. The Compass sits in the middle, but I'm killed by one of the many rabbits jumping around.

I go through the same rooms, getting back to the Compass room again. I collect it, but am killed again by another rabbit. The next time, I try to go to the room I tried to use to escape, but I have to kill all the blue knights in the previous room to unlock the door, who kill me. I'm not keen on starting over with 3 hearts, so I'm leaving to heal at a Fountain and get some bloody potions, both locations are near Dungeon 4.

I whistle to 4, but when I get to the potion shop I find I've only got 40 rupees, not nearly enough to buy a double potion. I'm not settling for that single-use crap, so I'm off to save up some money for it. After healing, I run around the place killing enemies. Also, now that I've got an infinite fire source (candle), I just go around burning every bush I come to. This finds me a staircase with a kind moblin inside, getting 10 extra rupees, a grumpy old man who demands I pay him 20 rupees, and another friendly moblin giving me 10. After fucking around near the bottom-left of the map, I see a dent in the cliff face, which is a little suspicious. I bomb around it and find a cave with a VERY friendly moblin, giving me 30 rupees! I've definetly got enough money, now! I head back, buy a double potion, heal again then Whistle to 2 and walk back to 8.

Back at the knight rooms, I try using my wand to kill them. They apparently aren't damaged by it, though, so I have to resort to swords and bombs again. Further in, I encounter another Gohma, who died easy enough by Arrow once she opened her eye for long enough. Past her, an old man gives me advice: "SPECTACLE ROCK IS AN ENTRANCE TO DEATH." Death? As in Death Mountain? The location of the Final Dungeon? That's interesting, old man. Thank you.

I go back to find a room full of rabbits and mummies, but also another key. Further down, another key guarded by several red knights. The red ones are easy enough, they die in one hit. It's the blue ones that annoy me. Even further, there's a group of mummies and both kinds of knights guarding a staircase. Inside, an alleyway to a room on the other side of the dungeon, filled with rabbits. I have to use one of my potions to survive, finally killing them all and progressing left. More red knights and statues await. In the next room, yet another old man tells me "10TH ENEMY HAS THE BOMB." Alas, old man, I know of your ramblings, and how badly translated they were. There is no tenth enemy, is there. I'm sorry, you senile old fool. I'll leave you in peace.

Back through the alley, I look in each room for ways I haven't been yet. The monsters have respawned, so I have to kill them all again, using up my second potion in all the chaos. In a knight room I try bombing a group of them, but accidentally reveal a hidden doorway. I LOVE those moments, don't you? Desparation leads to revelation? It's brilliant. Through the hole in the wall a third Manhandla awaits, dying in one bomb hit and rewarding me with some bombs and the Dungeon Map! The shape is revealed to be... a head of some kind? Maybe a horse? Googling now... Aha! Dungeon Eight: Lion Dungeon! It's a hell of a lot more beleivable than the last few dungeons, I'll say.

Through the next door, another Gohma lies. There are also statues, which make avoiding fireballs all the more difficult. It takes a little longer to get enough arrows through her eye, but she finally falls. Past her, more red knights guard this dead end of a room. My reward for killing them is a set of bombs. I can take a hint, Lion Dungeon. I bomb the walls to find... nothing. Oh. Well that was a waste of a bomb gift. I go back to the last Manhandla room and head right, bombing the rabbits and knights who wait there. There's another staircase, leading down to another Secret Item: THE LION KEY! YES! My spare 3 keys are totally useless now, because I've got the MASTER KEY! In your FACE, locked doors!

Back up the stairs, there appears to be a room to my left with no other access. I bomb the wall and get through, killing the rabbits inside (receiving some bombs in return) and going into the Lion's Eye to get 10 rupees! According to my maps, there are only 2 other rooms I haven't been in yet: the Triforce room and the Boss room. I'll backtrack to bomb each side of the Boss room to break through. I manage to get to two sides, neither of which yield access, before being killed by a knight.

Now I know where to go, I'm preparing myself. I leave the dungeon to heal and buy another set of potions (having to kill some more things to get enough money again) before heading back in. It takes me several attempts and both of my potions to get past the Rabbit room past the staircase (my third try teaching me that the rabbits die INSTANTLY with arrows, which also run through them). I get to the Old Man room and walk up to the room to the right, the only other possible entrance to the Boss of Lion Dungeon... and realize I'm out of bombs.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

I have to leave the fucking dungeon AGAIN and buy more bombs. Then I do the whole fuckery again and get back to the same place, bomb the wall, and enter.

It's Gleeock again, this time with 4 HEADS! I don't even hesitate, I just run up and start fucking SWINGING. I even bomb his body, which actually does something this time. Each head flies off when it's defeated, shooting at me more. It almost kills me, but finally the whole things just explodes and the door to the Triforce opens. I pick up the Final Heart Container and head inside.

There it is. The final piece of the Triforce. The music plays and I escape the dungeon, checking my inventory just to marvel at the sight before me. I have the Triforce, readers. It is mine. All that's left to do is find Death Mountain and defeat Ganon. According to the game manual, now that I have all 8 pieces of the Triforce, my Whistle can take me straight to the entrance to Death Mountain.

Next time, readers, is the beginning of The End.

Progress:

Hearts:   16 (MAX)

Rupies:   14

Bombs:    6

Keys:     A

Items:    MAGICAL SWORD, MAGIC SHIELD, MAGIC BOOMERANG, BOW+ARROW, BLUE CANDLE, BOMBS, RAFT, STEPLADDER, LETTER, RED BRACELET, BLUE RING, WHISTLE, WAND, BOOK OF MAGIC, LION KEY

Dungeons: EAGLE(1), MOON(2), MANJI(3), SNAKE(4), LIZARD(5), DRAGON(6), DEMON(7), LION(8)

Deaths:   74

Staircase Room Attack!

So starting again, STILL heading for Manji Dungeon, I was lucky enough to kill a Moblin with a FAIRY, so now I'm at full health and owner of 6 Bombs. STAIRCASE ROOM! (For those who don't know what I'm on about, theres a room in the lower-left spike of the 3rd dungeon with a staircase in it that I want to go down, but it's guarded by a thousand Knights)

Now I have the Sword Beam, I can kill those first 3 Knights easily. The next room (last before Staircase room) has abo-FUCKING BATS!!! Now I've got 3.5 health! DAMMITALL! Now I have to look in the deeper rooms for hea-FUCKING BALLS OF ELECRICITY! ONLY 1 FUCKING HEART LEFT!

In later rooms, there were more Splitting Slimes, but none gave me hearts (just money, but THAT'S NOT WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW). I'm thinking of leaving the dungeon to come back in and see if it resets the enemies... hey! A room of Splitting Slimes is already reset! OH MY GOD ONE GAVE ME A FAIRY! I'm full health again! Time to fight the last few rooms before Staircase!

Second-last room again, and... ONE GAVE ME A MAGIC CLOCK. EVERYONE FREEZES. EVERYONE GETS KILLED EASILY. I'm a VERY happy camper right now! Staircase room, at last! But there's about 15 Knights. I have bombs, but should I use them to kill or just run? I've come so far, I can't just waste it...

I'm going for the Bombs! I'm laying them everywhere, they seem to clump together a few times... two die, a heart and 4 more bombs! More die, more hearts! Only two left, only two bombs! One kills one and wounds the other, this is it! THIS IS IT! THE BASTARD DIES BY MY FINAL BOMB! And gives me 4 more bombs at that! AND THE STAIRCASE! THE MAGNIFICENT STAIRCASE! I descend into the abyss and find... a Raft! I can move on water kind of! YAY! Now for the boss.

One room before the Boss are three knights. I save my Bombs for I know they're needed. They die and open my way to the 3rd last room of the dungeon. Inside are more balls of electricity, bats and slimes. They die easily without costing me life (except the balls) and show me the boss...

A flower? I'm killing a flower? That's ju-OH GOD IT'S THROWING FIRE AT ME! Well, I could cut off it's leaves, but I don't like getting close. Dammit, the dungeon's been throwing Bombs in my face all of three days, that's what I'm using to kill it! A bomb as close as I dare to it's small body and it cuts off 3 of it's stems, I try again but FUCK I BURN AND DIE.

Next attempt, however I only have 1 Bomb left. Some Slimes give me full health again and I arrive again at the 3 Knights (who reduce me to 2 Hearts), the electricity and finally the Boss (whom I now know is named Manhandla, lol). My last bomb is placed as close as I dare and... and... AND...

Only 2 petals were killed! OH THE PAIN! With only 1 heart left, I charge, dodging not one, NOT TWO, but FIVE FIREBALLS to attack a SINGLE PETAL ONCE before dying again. So I leave this wretched hell-hole to buy the Arrow and stock up on Bombs. I save and restart in the Overworld. TO THE EAST!

With over 150 Rupies, I can buy the Arrow and 2 sets of Bombs (exiting/entering each purchase). With full health (thanks to some hearts from Octoroks), I decide to get to Manji Dungeon from where I am, instead of wasting my full health on saving and restarting. By retracing my route back, I effectively have no interruptions (as they were already SLAIN), and get back to the start quite easily. Getting back to Maji had a few near misses but I made it with still-full health.

Inside, my Sword Beam makes quick work of the Knights and the Slimes in the room before Manhandla, and the showdown begins. Manhandla rolls around, spewing fireballs. I run, avoiding as many as I can, to shove a bomb somewhere dark. Almost directly on it's center, my first one lands, destroying 3 petals instantly. Manhandla rolls faster, shooting more. I get hit several times, only 2 hearts remain, my bomb placement becoming more sloppy. Abandoning that tactic, I swipe my White Sword, hitting it's petal once, twice... DEATH!

Manhandla dies, vanishing from existence, giving me another Heart and entrance to the next Triforce Shard! Nabbing my new heart, I run into the room, picking up my shard and, finally, watch Manji Dungeon collapse around my character's triumphant bragging sprite (also, I've noticed I now have 2 spare keys!)

Where to next? Dungeon 3 has been defeated, and I have a nice new Raft to take me across the water. According to my map, there's a dungeon across Lake Hylia not far from the Starting Screen. There are also, however, a few caves and some screens with no caves but bushes. I'm going secret-hunting next time, and then finding out if Dungeon 4 is the one on the lake. BYE!

Progress:

Health:   3/6

Rupies:   61

Bombs:    5

Keys:     2

Items:    WHITE SWORD, MAGIC SHIELD, MAGIC BOOMERANG, BOW, ARROW, BLUE CANDLE, BOMBS(6), RAFT

Dungeons: EAGLE(1), MOON(2), MANJI(3)

Deaths:   20

White Sword

So, true to my word, I ventured off to find the Waterfall and get a new Sword. My map says it's north of the starting space (ALL the way north), which is luckily on the path to the shop with the cheaper Magic Shield, so, armed with a little over 130 Rupies, I buy that shit! Yay, magical shielding!

Crossing the desert to the West, avoiding the spiky bastards coming out of the sand, and then the flying bulbs and a Zora, I'm on the home stretch to the Waterfall. There are, however, many rocks falling, and so when I finally ascend the stairs next to the waterfall I only have half a heart left of health. There's a monster there, so dammit, I have to avoid it. Surprisingly easy, though. AND THEN, THE OLD MAN HAS A SWORD! MY WOODEN STICK IS UPGRADED!! My health, however, is not. Meh, if I'm gonna die, I'm investigating that cave a little to the east of here on my map.

...

Oh dear. I seem to be trapped in a repeating screen. Every time I go in any direction, I reappear on the other side of the screen. Except the west, so I guess I can't get past this screen. Oh well. I run into the Zora and die so I can get to Manji Dungeon quicker aga-0.0 WOAH. The zora was next to the waterfall, so I ran into it, but I ran too early and hit the waterfall, and IT HAS A SECRET ROOM! Some old lady's telling me to pay to talk, either 5 10 or 20 Rupies. I want info, so I give 20.

"GO UP, UP, THE MOUNTAIN AHEAD". That was mildly wasteful. Apparently there's a dungeon north of the Trap screen, so I guess it's for that. OH! So just keep going up until you break free of the trap! Right, well that's useful. Later. I really need to keep track of these notes I'm getting, I should get a small notebook.

So after leaving and killing myself properlly, I head back to Manji Dungeon. On the way I see a suspicious-looking bush, so after burning it... nothing. Meh, to the Dungeon!

Okay, full health, better sword, but no bombs. TIME TO KILL SHIT. Awesome, this sword kills splitting-slimes instantly, so they give rewards! No bombs yet, but I'll be patient. The knights in the next room reduce me to 1 heart, so no more Beams for a while, and I look around the dungeon for small creatures to kill. Next room... killed by a bat. This is just sad.

Making my way ba-OH MY GOD KNIGHTS STOP TURNING BACKWARDS SO SUDDENLY! One gave me bombs, though, so I can survive a little longer when I get to the Staircase room. In the Bat room where I last died, I killed them all and was rewarded with MORE BOMBS! So now I've got a full set, and I'm ready to fuck that staircase room UP! Once I get some health back. So I got the amazing idea of actually beating the dungeon and getting an extra heart first!

To the boss! No, to the start! Because it's protected by MORE FUCKING KNIGHTS! Whatever, to the FUCKING STAIRCASE ROOM avoiding EVERYTHING that walks there! DAMMIT KILLED AGAIN I WANT TO MURDER THIS GAME!

...

And there it is. The emotion bore into every player of this game's mind. The urge to snap the game disc in ten and set it on fire due to the severe difficulty of it. I'm truly playing this game. And so, with this final thought, I stop playing for today before I smash my Wii into the wall.

Progress:

Health:   3/5

Rupies:   88

Bombs:    6

Keys:     2

Items:    WHITE SWORD, MAGIC SHIELD, MAGIC BOOMERANG, BOW, BLUE CANDLE, BOMBS(6)

Dungeons: EAGLE(1), MOON(2)

Deaths:   18

Did you get the Sword from the Old Man on top of the Waterfall?

Okay, so scanning my map I found the nearest Dungeon to the starting screen (that I hadn't already bludgeoned to death with my wooden stick) was to the west, so off I go. Killing a bunch of stuff on the way (did I mention how much I love the Sword Beam?), I found this green elaborate cave guarded by Statues. THEY'RE ALIVE, I SWEAR IT! I'mma touch it! ...  DAMMITALL dead again.

Meanwhile, several minutes later...

As these statues appear to give JS as rewards, I think I'll leave them alone this time. Now, down to 1 heart, I enter Dungeon Three (ooh, good guess!), with only one door. WEST AHOY! OH GOD MORE BLOBS! Those ones that split when they die. Well, no rewards from them, helpful. What IS helpful, though, is the Key they left in the middle of the room. Yay!

In the next room I get killed by another Splitting Slime. Damn. Second try and they ALL give me rewards when I kill them with Bombs. Lovely. And, another key is bestowed. NEXT ROOM!

OH GOD THREE KNIGHTS! 1 Bomb... 2 down. Last one-OHGODTHEYCANTBEHITFROMTHE FRONT! Run, Sword Beam, Run, Sword Beam... done! And about 10 Rupies as a reward! Nice! To the west, I think, and theres the Compass amid bats and Traps. And a locked door! 1 of my 3 Keys opens it, and I find-OHGODMOREKNIGHTS! Bombs! They're my friend! 6 Later and only 1 left! However, I'm out. So good-ol' swordplay tactics to kill it (and no Sword Beam to help me!). Now I've only got 2 hearts left, but the South door opened itself. Hurrah.

A BILLION KNIGHTS!! But a staircase, so I'll come back to THAT room when I have Health and Bombs. In the meantime, North. Slimes, Bats and Bubbles of Death. I die. F***.

Attempt 2 succeeds and I find a corridoor to a locked door. Opened, it leads to more slimes and 2 locked doors. The slimes give me another Key, so both can be unlocked (well, they could already, but now I have another spare). East first, and Dungeon Map! I hereby name this dungeon...

0.0 Oh my... well, this is awkward. Dungeon Three, uh... I name thee... well...

Nazi Dungeon? Dear me, that's controversial. There must be an explanation, let me google this...
...
Right! Okay! It's NOT a Swastika, it's a Buddhist symbol meaning good fortune, called a Manji. OKAY THEN! I name thee MANJI DUNGEON!

Now that's out of the way, the next room holds MORE BLOODY KNIGHTS who kill me (although I got two, one giving me bombs!). NOW! To the Staircase Room! Hopefully more hearts appear, but LET'S GO!
DAMMIT! Killed by Knights.

Attempt 2: Killed all the knights in the room BEFORE the Staircase room, but I doubled back to get some health back. In doing so, I unlocked the northernmost door in the dungeon, taking me to another room with a Secret Switch (kill slimes, move block), taking me to an Old Man!

"DID YOU GET THE SWORD FROM THE OLD MAN ON TOP OF THE WATERFALL?". Saywhat? Another sword? Fantastic! There's my next target, find this Waterfall and get a new sword! AFTER this dungeon gets kicked in the face, that is. West from Old Man Waterfall is a room with a key and about 7 bats. NO HEARTS THOUGH! Back a few rooms- wait, no, killed by a SLIME! But that's okay, I only had 1/2 heart left, so now I'm back up to 3.

I've found the secret of the Splitting Jellies. Kill them with bombs, rewards. Usually. I'm using this to my advantage and killing them all with said bombs to get health and more bombs (for the Stair case room)... KILLED AGAIN JUST OUTSIDE!!! AND I'M OUT OF BOMBS! Screw it, I'm running for it when I finally kill these bitches and get into the staircase room. KILLING THINGS IS OVERRATED!

Well, another few deaths later and I'm no closer to entering the Staircase Room. I can't get ANY rewards from kills, especially not Bombs, and those knights just WON'T DIE. So I'm leaving to find that sword the old man was talking about and maybe having a better chance at this. I'm leaving this dungeon and heading for that waterfall. See you next time.

Progress:

Health:   3/5

Rupies:   148

Bombs:    0

Keys:     2

Items:    WOODEN SWORD, MAGIC BOOMERANG, BOW, BLUE CANDLE, BOMBS(0)

Dungeons: EAGLE(1), MOON(2)

Deaths:   13