10th Enemy Has The Bomb

Good afternoon, fellow humans. Today, I make for the final piece of the Triforce! Dungeon 8, here I come!

From my map, I see I've already found Dungeon 8, so I can just make my way there pretty easily from Dungeon 2. I first warp to the Fairy Fountain to heal, then whistle my way to Dungeon 2. Only a few screens away is the staircase where a lonely bush once covered the entrance, which I enter, excited.

I could go any direction. I choose left, and immediatly I'm met with Manhandla, from a few dungeons ago! There're also a few fireball-spewing statues, so I've got to avoid them, too. Manhandla goes down relatively easily, and gives me 5 Rupees as a reward. Really, Manhandla? Last time you gave me a fucking heart container. Continuing on, I find a room full of mummies and knights, but also a staircase. After killing the enemies I push away a block and descend, emerging in a room containing the dungeon's Secret Item! It's a Book of Magic, which apparently (according to the manual) increases the power of my Wand, letting me set things on fire with it!

I go back to the first room and go right, into a dark room which (when illuminated) has a messed up floor, some bats and slimes. Killing them, I realize I could bomb the walls in this room, as there is still some ground on each side. I don't have any bombs left, though, so I'll try later. Back at the start, I go upwards, finding ANOTHER Manhandla which goes down even faster than the first one. The room, however, is a dead end. I've reached as far as I can in this dungeon without bombs. Luckily this dungeon's within walking distance of a bomb seller! I'll just leave, buy some, then come back...

Back again, and I have to kill all the enemies in the right room again. I bomb the walls, but nothing happens. I go into the second Manhandla room (up), and bomb straight ahead. Yes! A secret door leading up! Inside, some blue knights and statues. I grab a key that sits in the middle, but nearly die in the process. With 1 heart left, I go up to escape, but come to another room full of enemies. I go back and, dodging the knights, unlock the door to the right. The Compass sits in the middle, but I'm killed by one of the many rabbits jumping around.

I go through the same rooms, getting back to the Compass room again. I collect it, but am killed again by another rabbit. The next time, I try to go to the room I tried to use to escape, but I have to kill all the blue knights in the previous room to unlock the door, who kill me. I'm not keen on starting over with 3 hearts, so I'm leaving to heal at a Fountain and get some bloody potions, both locations are near Dungeon 4.

I whistle to 4, but when I get to the potion shop I find I've only got 40 rupees, not nearly enough to buy a double potion. I'm not settling for that single-use crap, so I'm off to save up some money for it. After healing, I run around the place killing enemies. Also, now that I've got an infinite fire source (candle), I just go around burning every bush I come to. This finds me a staircase with a kind moblin inside, getting 10 extra rupees, a grumpy old man who demands I pay him 20 rupees, and another friendly moblin giving me 10. After fucking around near the bottom-left of the map, I see a dent in the cliff face, which is a little suspicious. I bomb around it and find a cave with a VERY friendly moblin, giving me 30 rupees! I've definetly got enough money, now! I head back, buy a double potion, heal again then Whistle to 2 and walk back to 8.

Back at the knight rooms, I try using my wand to kill them. They apparently aren't damaged by it, though, so I have to resort to swords and bombs again. Further in, I encounter another Gohma, who died easy enough by Arrow once she opened her eye for long enough. Past her, an old man gives me advice: "SPECTACLE ROCK IS AN ENTRANCE TO DEATH." Death? As in Death Mountain? The location of the Final Dungeon? That's interesting, old man. Thank you.

I go back to find a room full of rabbits and mummies, but also another key. Further down, another key guarded by several red knights. The red ones are easy enough, they die in one hit. It's the blue ones that annoy me. Even further, there's a group of mummies and both kinds of knights guarding a staircase. Inside, an alleyway to a room on the other side of the dungeon, filled with rabbits. I have to use one of my potions to survive, finally killing them all and progressing left. More red knights and statues await. In the next room, yet another old man tells me "10TH ENEMY HAS THE BOMB." Alas, old man, I know of your ramblings, and how badly translated they were. There is no tenth enemy, is there. I'm sorry, you senile old fool. I'll leave you in peace.

Back through the alley, I look in each room for ways I haven't been yet. The monsters have respawned, so I have to kill them all again, using up my second potion in all the chaos. In a knight room I try bombing a group of them, but accidentally reveal a hidden doorway. I LOVE those moments, don't you? Desparation leads to revelation? It's brilliant. Through the hole in the wall a third Manhandla awaits, dying in one bomb hit and rewarding me with some bombs and the Dungeon Map! The shape is revealed to be... a head of some kind? Maybe a horse? Googling now... Aha! Dungeon Eight: Lion Dungeon! It's a hell of a lot more beleivable than the last few dungeons, I'll say.

Through the next door, another Gohma lies. There are also statues, which make avoiding fireballs all the more difficult. It takes a little longer to get enough arrows through her eye, but she finally falls. Past her, more red knights guard this dead end of a room. My reward for killing them is a set of bombs. I can take a hint, Lion Dungeon. I bomb the walls to find... nothing. Oh. Well that was a waste of a bomb gift. I go back to the last Manhandla room and head right, bombing the rabbits and knights who wait there. There's another staircase, leading down to another Secret Item: THE LION KEY! YES! My spare 3 keys are totally useless now, because I've got the MASTER KEY! In your FACE, locked doors!

Back up the stairs, there appears to be a room to my left with no other access. I bomb the wall and get through, killing the rabbits inside (receiving some bombs in return) and going into the Lion's Eye to get 10 rupees! According to my maps, there are only 2 other rooms I haven't been in yet: the Triforce room and the Boss room. I'll backtrack to bomb each side of the Boss room to break through. I manage to get to two sides, neither of which yield access, before being killed by a knight.

Now I know where to go, I'm preparing myself. I leave the dungeon to heal and buy another set of potions (having to kill some more things to get enough money again) before heading back in. It takes me several attempts and both of my potions to get past the Rabbit room past the staircase (my third try teaching me that the rabbits die INSTANTLY with arrows, which also run through them). I get to the Old Man room and walk up to the room to the right, the only other possible entrance to the Boss of Lion Dungeon... and realize I'm out of bombs.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

I have to leave the fucking dungeon AGAIN and buy more bombs. Then I do the whole fuckery again and get back to the same place, bomb the wall, and enter.

It's Gleeock again, this time with 4 HEADS! I don't even hesitate, I just run up and start fucking SWINGING. I even bomb his body, which actually does something this time. Each head flies off when it's defeated, shooting at me more. It almost kills me, but finally the whole things just explodes and the door to the Triforce opens. I pick up the Final Heart Container and head inside.

There it is. The final piece of the Triforce. The music plays and I escape the dungeon, checking my inventory just to marvel at the sight before me. I have the Triforce, readers. It is mine. All that's left to do is find Death Mountain and defeat Ganon. According to the game manual, now that I have all 8 pieces of the Triforce, my Whistle can take me straight to the entrance to Death Mountain.

Next time, readers, is the beginning of The End.

Progress:

Hearts:   16 (MAX)

Rupies:   14

Bombs:    6

Keys:     A

Items:    MAGICAL SWORD, MAGIC SHIELD, MAGIC BOOMERANG, BOW+ARROW, BLUE CANDLE, BOMBS, RAFT, STEPLADDER, LETTER, RED BRACELET, BLUE RING, WHISTLE, WAND, BOOK OF MAGIC, LION KEY

Dungeons: EAGLE(1), MOON(2), MANJI(3), SNAKE(4), LIZARD(5), DRAGON(6), DEMON(7), LION(8)

Deaths:   74

Aim At the Eyes of Gohma

Hi, it's been a while since my last play (about 5 days by my count). The reason I've been busy is that my grandfather, Erwin Wcislo, unfortunately passed away recently.

He'd been fighting old age and lung cancer for a while, and it was a miracle he lived through Christmas. But a few days ago, in his sleep, he left us. I wish I had been closer to him, because I honestly don't feel very bad about it. I mean, of course I feel bad, but not as much as any other person would be at losing a family member. Then again, we've all come to terms with it over the months. He's been "circling the drain" for so long, in a way it's good that he's moved on. I don't know if anyone else in my family believes in an afterlife, but I do, and I hope he's in a better place.

Also, the house is being cleaned and half emptied on an EPIC scale as it's now on the market. Me and my brother have been WORKED TO THE FLESHY PART JUST ABOVE THE BONE by our mother, and had to endure her constant complaining about our dad (who, my brother has FINALLY begun to realize, deserves all of it). Meanwhile, the device I use to connect my Wii to my computer has been packed away, so I can't take any screenshots. BUT, I'm sure there are some maps on the internet, so if you're desperate for some graphical representation of my position you can cross-reference my descriptions of my movements with some maps or something and get it.

BUT ANYWAY, I won't go on much more (unless I feel like it, but I probably won't). LEVEL 6 AWAITS! Remember the dungeon with 2 tiles worth of door? That's Dungeon 6. Luckily near Warp 1, so lets MOVE OUT!

Stopping off at the Fairy Fountain for healsies, then through the mountains about 2 screens to the devilishly designed Dungeon Entrance. Inside, a locked room and an unlocked room (I have an extra 2 keys, but I'll save them for now). In the unlocked room, there are some WIZARDS AAAR-never mind. Wizards who DIE easily. The room gives me a key, lovely! Now, to light up the room and see where things are... Ah, a locked room to the north! UNLOCK!

An Old Man! "AIM AT THE EYES OF GOHMA." That's got to be the boss of the Sixth (why did I ever bother with the word 'dungeon'?), and now I know how to kill it. Apparently, if you aim at the eyes, it will die. KEWL! I'm sure you need to shoot at it, but NONETHELESS! I also have to go back to the locked room in the first room, cos this is a dead end.

In that room, there are some easily-killed Wizards (who give me bombs and a fairy), and in the next room are some Slimes who give me money and the Compass. The next room... has fire-breathing statues and bats, so I don't like that room. BACK OUT, equip boomerang, BACK IN, and blitz the shit out of everything. Once everything dies (and takes about 2 hearts off me), a Key is bestowed upon me. IN THE NEXT ROOM, hinting that this dungeon is shaping up to be pretty linear, there are a bunch of Spike Traps around (easily avoided).

Next room, an ACTUAL THREAT! 3 Wizards, 2 BLUE Wizards and a Skull Bubble. It takes a bit more health before I kill everything, and the next room needs to be opened by pushing a block.

This is where everything electrical I was working with at the time suddenly decided to have breakdowns. My laptop very nearly ran out of batteries before I realized I hadn't plugged it in properly, and my charger's a retarded child and causes the mousepad on the laptop to spaz out when I touch it. My USB mouse also decided to not work anymore, no matter WHICH port I plugged it into, so I had to ignore the game until I fixed everything. I can now only use the mouse by unplugging my laptop, using the mouse, and plugging it back in to keep it charged. Oh, but wait, as soon as I type all that, my USB mouse decides to work again! Oh technology, you little bitch, you.

BUT I DIGRESS. Back in the game, the next room holds 3 more of each Wizard, who kill me despite my awesomeness. BACK TO THE START AGAIN. DIE IN THE SAME ROOM. Okay, just read the last few paragraphs another 3 times or so, because that's about when I got to this point.

FUCK THE THREE HEART MECHANIC! WHY START WITH THREE? IT'S ABSURD! I swear I'm finding a Potion shop around here. TO THE WARP ZONE! That's right, I'M LEAVING! FOR FAIRIES! AND RED WATER! YEAH! SUCK IT!

... sorry. So after a trip through the staircase that miraculously leads to the nearest Fairy Fountain, and another to an underground Potion shop, and back again. So FULL HEALTH, 2 FULL HEALTH POTIONS. THIS MEANS 3x12 HEARTS EQUALS 36 HEARTS! YEAH! Not quite, as I have to use the potions BEFORE I lose all the health... SHUT UP SEAN, YOU'RE RAMBLING!

Okay, so read that paragraph about running through the linear corridor thing again, only THIS time, imagine me as a heroic, unstoppable, amazingly sexy hero killing everything without breaking a swear. It was more like a confident, moderately skillful display but it's better for you to think that I'm awesome. BECAUSE I AM. SOMETIMES. So yeah, I beat the room I usually die in (using up a potion) and move on.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GLEEOCK DOING HERE!?!??!? I KILLED YOU LIKE 2 DUNGEONS AGO! AND YOU GREW AN EXTRA HEAD! Luckily, I've grown stronger, too. I have a nifty new sword and extended health. So you, my friend, die quickly. HA! Next room (to the East now, we're off the linear path).

This room has some Like-Likes (I couldn't think of what to call them, so I looked up their real names) and Slimes, all of which die easily and the room gives me the Map! Dungeon Sixth, or Dungeon the Sixth, you are now known as... okay seriously, what the hell is this meant to be? It looks like a demonic arm flexing. One moment, Google needs to be consulted... oh wow. *snigger* It's meant to be a dragon... hehehe... OKAY THEN, Dungeon the Sixth, you are now known as Dragon Dungeon (awesome, really).

So, there's this locked door south of my location... UNLOCK. Some Wizards, who die but leave me with 1/2 a heart (*uses potion* *gets health* *celebrates*), and a new Key. Next room, AAARGH THE FUCKING BBB'S! KILL THEM WITH FIRE! Okay, that only slightly worked. KILL THEM WITH SWORDS! Okay, cool. NEXT ROOM.

It's filled with Wizards and Like-Likes! Kill them all! Done. This is a bit TOO easy, now... meh. Block! Push it, open stairs, travel. It takes me to another part of the Dungeon (through a little double-stairs room), to a room with Slimes and Like-Likes. Also, I can go down and meet some more BBBs! Lovely! And KILL, KILL, KILL... much better. In the next room, the north door is locked, and it's RIGHT next to the Triforce Room! It could be the boss room, or it might not be. I'll go South for now, and check later.

Okay, the south room is a dead end. It DOES have some wizards, though. Kill. And now the room gives me bombs... that's suspicious. Usually when a room does that, it means bombs are required... the Boss? No, you need to "aim" somehow, bombs don't need to be aimed. Secret room? Bomb the walls? I'll try it...  well, that didn't work. Let's try that locked door, shall we?

OH GOD IT'S THE BOSS! IT'S A GIANT SPIDER! I'M ARACHNOPHOBIC! SHOOT IT! SHOOOOOT IIIIIIIIIIIT!!! With every Arrow I impale into it's face, it closes it's eye just that little bit more until... DIE! HAHA! DIE, SPIDER! And give me your heart! Hooray! I won't get the Triforce shard just yet though, I still need to find that secret item.

Back in the main area of the dungeon, there's still a locked door I didn't open. Inside, more wizards, but other than that a dead end. But there IS a block, so that could be a secret switch or somethi-don't worry, I'm dead now. DAMN BLUE WIZARDS. Back to the start.

On one hand, I've all but defeated Dragon Dungeon. On the other, I still need to collect that secret item and go back for the Triforce. And after this, I still don't know where Dungeon Seven is. I've got some work to do next time, infiltrating the deepest reaches of the Dragon AND the farthest reaches of Hyrule. There are only 2 other dungeons in the game that I haven't found yet: 7 and 9. 9... the final dungeon. The cave in which Gannon is hiding, holding Zelda captive. I WILL SAVE YOU, ZELDA. I'm almost there, I AM...

Progress:

Hearts:   14

Rupies:   18

Bombs:    9

Keys:     1

Items:    MAGICAL SWORD, MAGIC SHIELD, MAGIC BOOMERANG, BOW+ARROW, BLUE CANDLE, BOMBS, RAFT, STEPLADDER, RED POTION, RED BRACELET, BLUE RING, WHISTLE

Dungeons: EAGLE(1), MOON(2), MANJI(3), SNAKE(4), LIZARD(5)

Deaths:   59