- I can't leave the mountains unless I go West, where there are NO shops that sell bombs,
- OR Warp Zones,
- I'd end up using all the bombs on the Dodongos guarding that side of the dungeon,
- Blue Knights move too fast anyway and would probably dodge EVERY bomb.
I therefore decide that in addition, I will obtain MASS MUNNIES and buy a Double Strength Potion (that's what I'm calling Red Potions now), then purposely die outside the dungeon (there's a Warp Zone and Potion Shop uber-conviniently close to the Starting Screen).
...
Well, somehow, during my dungeon-crawling, I managed to obtain 8 bombs. So that's that sorted out. Now, I need 68 Rupies (another 13) for a DS Potion (ooh, DSP, that's a nice name. DEEMED!) and a dignified way to die once I'm outside. While I think about that, I'll keep delving deeper into the recesses of Lizard Dungeon f- nevermind, I died. WELL I'M AT THE ENTRANCE NOW, SO IT'S ALL GOOD.
I've decided to earn the required riches whilst making my way back to the Starting Space. If I die on the way, I'm there already. If I get the money, WHOOP WHOOP DSP TIME! So on my way I trek. I'm instantly granted 5 Rupies by the careless desert shrub that tried to touch me, and only 7 more are needed (by the way, if at any time my bomb/rupie math seems off by a few, it means I found some money somehow by an enemy. No cause for alarm).
Well, I made it to base camp without much hassle at all (AND I got over 68 Rupies now, yay!), although I misjudged my position and mistook an empty cave for the Potion shop. I freaked out for a bit and tried to get back to the original Old Woman cave, but moving to the west showed me my true location and peace was achieved. I also have a DSP now. Yay!
Two Warps, one Fairy Revival and a mountain trek later and I can hear the Blue Knights crying like little bitches. I've also found in my previous conquest (that I forgot to mention) that there was a bombable wall in the Mummy Room just before the Blue Knights room. I DON'T HAVE TO FIGHT THE DODONGOS! Oh, glory days! Straight to the Room of Death, then!
BOMB! RUN! SLICE! BOMB! GET HIT! SLICE! GET HIT x5! YELL FUCK! BOMB AGAIN! REPEAT! The battle lasts minutes. Whoever programmed their AI is clever. And evil. Running, bombing and slicing with a sword blend together in a mixture of explosion sounds and getting-hit sounds. I heal just in time before another knight kills me, and kill 2 with my Sword Beams. Another is hurt before damaging me, deleting my Sword Beam powers. My final bomb misses and I must battle with my sword alone. Dodge, slice! Get hit! Run! Slice again! Soon there is only one left. I set up my trap, waiting around a corner for it to walk out and get cut up. But it doesn't. It stays on one side, walking around aimlessly. Taunting me. Finally it becomes too much and I give into primal instict, running into it's territory and cutting this way and that. I run around it, slice, it follows me, block... BUT THEN, AS TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYS IN MY HEAD, I backstab the final Blue Knight of Bitchery, and it explodes into a tiny 2-frame pixellated death. I have won.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH! Push a random block, fail, try again, continue to fail until SUCCESS! Enter the staircase and find waiting for me... another staircase?
Past it, I find myself (according to my map) in the Lizard's brain.
Oh, THAT'S how you get into those rooms. Silly me, I thought you had to bomb a wall! Instead you have to bomb and murder 5 Knights with surprisingly annoying AI tactics. Well, there's two doors to be unlocked. To the west, 6 MORE FUCKING KNIGHTS! So I'll ignore that room for now. To the south, there's a dead end with a key and some bats. Well that's fucking pointless! There's obviously some hidden bombable wall that I need to break down, now! AND I'M OUT OF BOMBS!
Well, I tried attacking the room full of Knights but they killed me before I could kill even one. AND I've used up both potions now. Y'know what? I'm offering an incentive. As soon as I find the last 3 hearts in the Overworld, if somebody has given me a hint (a HINT, not an EXACTNESS) about it, I'll make a comic strip about what would happen if Entei and Wooper were roommates using Pokemon: Mystery Dungeon sprites. Also a Kingdom Hearts version of the Scott Pilgrim DVD cover that I did whilst INSANELY tired and on a sugar high. It's not a very good combination but produced something funny, so I'm okay with it.
Moving right along, I've found out that I'm going to have to kill a total of 11 Blue Knights so far to get anything done in this dungeon, and I need to save at least 1 bomb for the obvious secret room. All without dying, because should dying occur, ALL that work killing Knights gets erased. It also makes me scream internally, using many profanities and the words "Barbara Streisand" for some reason.
So next time, I'm off to the Overworld to buy more bombs and potions. I'd do more than that usually, but these Knights are just too damn hard to kill with my puny White Sword. So there you have it. Hints about Overworld Hearts will result in a KH-themed Scott Pilgrim poster and a sprite comic about Entei and Wooper as roommates. The reason such strange things are the results? They're gaming-related. That's pretty much it. Now shoo, reader!
Progress:
Hearts: 9
Rupies: 12
Bombs: 0
Keys: 2
Items: WHITE SWORD, MAGIC SHIELD, MAGIC BOOMERANG, BOW, ARROW, BLUE CANDLE, BOMBS(6), RAFT, STEPLADDER, RED POTION, RED BRACELET, BLUE RING
Dungeons: EAGLE(1), MOON(2), MANJI(3), SNAKE(4)
Deaths: 53
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