These days, I haven't been showering, haven't been getting dressed out of my pajamas and haven't been leaving the house in days. I haven't got a job, I don't have a girlfriend, and I don't know whether I got into university yet. These days, I'm the laziest fucker alive. And my mouth tastes weird, apparently I forget to brush my teeth more often, too. I'll be right back...
Okay, now my mouth tastes less like the cereal I ate a few hours ago. You know, when I finally get into uni, I want to move out of my parent's house. I want to have that experience of living with other people my own age while I'm in university, and to actually have a job that doesn't make me want to kill myself. Maybe then I can live a 'normal' life, because the way I've been living now is FAR from normal from a teenager's point of view. I'm 17, never drank, never done drugs (and don't plan to do either things), and never had a girlfriend. PLEASE EXCUSE ME TO WALLOW IN SELF PITY FOR A MOMENT...
Now back to the game. There's a cave north of Manji Dungeon and a strange-looking wall north of that, and I want to check them out. Onwards, north-west from the Start! I made it there, after an abysmal reward rate of the enemies killed, and the cave is another shop with a shield and arrow to sell, which I already have. It also sold some bombs, though, so that's mediocre at best. North of the shop is a screen with six stone statues (which will of course come to life when I touch them) and some blue sand-beasts. The sand beasts die and one of the statues REVEALS A STAIRCASE! It also kills me.
NEXT ATTEMPT! Yes, I'm obsessing over ANOTHER staircase, bu-SHUT UP! I make my way back and find that blue sand beasts can deplete health pretty quickly. I also found that you CAN outrun a stone statue long enough to jump down a hole he was standing over. Another shop, and it's actually alright. There's a key for 80 Rupies, some meat for 60 and a Blue Ring for 250! The ring halves damage, so obviously ME WANTY! I know EXACTLY where to spend my riches now! At least, once I GET riches.
Back to the supposed Dungeon 4, across the lake with my new raft! And here I am, Dungeon 4 with only 1 heart left. Well, I'm going to DEAL WITH IT and KERRY OHN (meant to sound extremely british)! West is another Bat Room with a hidden Key, North is the rest of the dungeon which kills me with a blue jumping rabbit. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Entering again, the bouncing blue bastards die pretty easily, and they erupt into red bats with are also killed easily with a boomerang to the face. East and it's suddenly pitch-black. A use for my candle! Fantastic! There's a little maze filled with more BBB's and the Compass. Slay! Slay! Get hit by a bat! Slay! Obtain Compass! GTFO! Done. Backtrack. Next room, a Bat room with another Key and now only 1/2 heart left.
The next room is dark as well, and the candle reveals more blocks and more BBB's. Easily dying, I run back to the same room and try to avoid them at all costs (I manage it) and move to the next dark room. There are some Splitting Slimes here, but I'm too strong for them and they die without hassle. Another key is given and I move on. OH FUCK ELECTRIC BALLS! Rather than fighting, I'm skipping this shit. The next room, however, has too many BBB's. I kill them (amazingly without losing health) and progress (leaving the locked door for later). MORE ELECTRIC BALLS! Luckily, a nearby enemy gives me a Clock and they all freeze. Nothing seems to give me anything in this room. THERE MUST BE A SECRET PASSAGE! A moving block confirms this and OMG STAIRCASE!
Inside is a Stepladder, which I'm sure is useful somehow. The locked door from earlier reveals a dead end, and I get killed by a damn slime. A basic slime! Back to the start. I NEED A MAP. I have no idea where anything was just then! Back at the ELECRIC BALL room that I skipped, I realize the Stepladder's potential. SINGLE-TILED CHASMS CAN DIE IN THEMSELVES because I can step OVER them! This unlocks (figuratively) a new room, which leads to the room I just died in, but in a NEW POSITION so I can gain THE MAP! This dungeon is hereby named Snake Dungeon!
Now that I've collected a Main Item in this place, I can confidently find the Boss without fear of missing parts of the dungeon. Backtracking and going fo-WHAT THE FUCK I KILLED YOU LAST TIME I PLAYED! Manhandla's back, and still after my blood. I die pretty much instantly and have to try again. I die in the second-last room before it and have to try AGAIN.
But apparently, I have to stop because dear mum wants me to start my satanic chores (like cleaning the bathroom - isn't that just despicable?). I'll try again on Thursday (I've got another party Wednesday, aren't I a social little butterfly?).
Progress:
Health: 3/6
Rupies: 86
Bombs: 3
Keys: 1
Items: WHITE SWORD, MAGIC SHIELD, MAGIC BOOMERANG, BOW, ARROW, BLUE CANDLE, BOMBS(6), RAFT, STEPLADDER
Dungeons: EAGLE(1), MOON(2), MANJI(3)
Deaths: 26
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